Life in the Fast Lane: Overcoming Premature Ejaculation
I can’t last.”
Three words I commonly hear from guy after guy as they sulk onto my couch feeling anywhere between melancholy to incredibly overwhelmed. Many have never seen a therapist, let alone a sex therapist. Not only do they feel defeated sexually, but the core of their identity, pride, and ego often feel injured as well. Those affected are of all ages, all professions, all ethnicities, and of all sizes, fitness and health levels. They are usually well researched and have attempted multiple ways to slow down their orgasm and ejaculation. Most have tried distracting themselves with repulsive thoughts, squeezing their penis, tightening their kegals, or even avoiding closeness with their partner altogether because they worry it will lead to another disappointing sexual encounter.
A common secret affecting millions of men
Guess what guys? Did you know that the speed of ejaculation varies and that ALL men will experience an ejaculation that is too fast at least once in their life. ALL MEN.
Premature ejaculation (PE), also known as rapid ejaculation, is experienced at least once in a man’s lifetime with research indicating that it affects up to 40% of all men. PE can have long-lasting effects on self-esteem and confidence. PE is especially difficult for men in their early 20’s who have denied themselves the experiences of dating and participating in the hook-up culture enjoyed by their male peers.
Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual concern reported by men. Not erectile dysfunction.
With the rapid ejaculation and erectile dysfunction (ED) combo, men are experiencing a double whammy to their sexuality. Often men report ED but it makes sense given that they can’t hold an erection because they ejaculate quickly. Once he ejaculates, he loses his erection.
What happens at the first sex therapy session?
During the first therapy session men frequently express the desire for their sexual encounters to change and plea for their body to function differently. It’s important to understand that the experiences of orgasm and ejaculation can depend on a host of reasons. It can be habitual, caused by anxiety, the result of a neurological issue, medication, due to lifestyle choices, or it can be a reflection of the quality of the relationship. It can be any combination of the above, and more.
We would explore all the issues that may be the underlying causes then determine a plan tailored to what makes sense for his situation.
What he needs to understand…
- Slowing down the ejaculatory response can be learned. We control other bodily functions like using the restroom, so in turn we can learn to slow down our sexual responses.
- The motivation, willingness, and opportunity to participate in PE exercises directly correlates with the effectiveness of slowing down orgasm and ejaculation.
- Overcoming PE does not require medications, repulsive distractions, herbal remedies, or devices to slow down the ejaculatory response.
- Partner support will only be helpful in the effectiveness of treatment.
- Detrimental thoughts and negative self-messages are a major deterrent to learning to slow down.
There’s hope for every guy who wants to slow down. Imagine what it would be like for intimacy and sex to be pleasure focused rather than goal centric. If you can buy into sex for “pleasure, not pressure” you are half way to overcoming premature ejaculation.
If you’re experiencing PE, and don’t feel comfortable seeing a therapist or there isn’t a sex therapist near you, consider an online program. Based on science and current research, and used with our clients in our offices, we’ve developed an effective step-by-step model. As we’re just about to release it, we’re offering you a 30% discount for your patience.
