Author - developer

Sexism affect men’s sex lives too

We don't talk enough about how sexism affects men's lives. The idea of 'toxic masculinity' is a real thing and if we can move more into 'heathier masculinity' or 'empowered masculinity' or even 'compassionate masculinity', not only do we free ourselves from cultural expectations, we become more confident, more empowered in who we are, and better lovers. The impact of sexism on men's sex life can be complex and nuanced. It's important to note that sexism can show up in [...]

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The Throes of Limerence

From the song Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen “She drives me crazy, she gives me hot and cold fever, then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat.”   Consider these three scenarios: Scenario 1: “I can’t stop thinking about her. She occupies my mind and I get easily distracted at work and at home. I replay in my mind our sexual encounters and every time he messages me, I get butterflies and my stomach feels like it’s in my throat. [...]

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Intimate Breakups

Whether the break up is with a longer-term beloved or with a shorter term intimate sexual partner, the emotional impact of a breakup is not any different for these relationships. It can be soul-destabilizing and can feel heart-sinking. The mind may be on a replay loop with the never ending ‘why’ questions. For those enduing a break up, it’s common to wonder whether you could’ve done something different or reflect on why you chose to ignore your own inner compass [...]

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No shame seeing a sex therapist

There’s no Shame in Seeing a Sex Therapist

It’s safe to say that the majority of us have not lived in a home environment or culture that embraces sexuality in a positive way. Think back to the first time someone spoke to you about sexuality. If the conversation was about sex, it amounted to the following: How NOT to get pregnant How NOT to catch a sexually transmitted infection or HIV Do NOT sex or having sex until marriage The unspoken conversation is: Men are masculine Women are [...]

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Compromise vs. Sacrifice: How healthy is my relationship?

When individuals share with me that they're feeling unfulfilled, we being the process of exploring not necessarily the relationship itself, but who the client is in within the context of the relationship. In other words, “Who are you as an intimate and sexuality being, what your relationship history, and what are your relationship values and principles within the context of a romantic or intimate relationship.” This is where clients get a bit stuck. Within the nature of romantic and intimate relationships [...]

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Balancing Independence and Connection: Our new COVID reality (part 1 of 2)

I just completed a global summit series on the impact of COVID-19 on intimate relationships. While some countries and regions are slowly shifting to return to what's now called "the new normal", my colleagues and I have been busy helping couples and relationships adjust to uncertainty and unforeseen change. While the pandemic has had dire consequences on businesses, income and our ability to socialize, it has also affected how we DO intimate relationships. Prior to the COVID pandemic, many relationships [...]

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COVID-19 and Sex. Do we keep having sex?

With the novel coronavirus, clients have shared with me their worries and fears about their own health, the health of their children, as well as the health of their aging loved ones. Media sensationalism, conspiracy theories and perceived lack of transparency from leadership have only served to amplify these worries and sense of helplessness. For those who experience overwhelm and anxiety the idea of contagiousness can worsen their mental health or evoke a panic response. While some people may [...]

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“It’s hardwired for men to not cry.”

Flying from Montreal to Toronto, I was fresh from co-delivering a training to counselors and therapists on issues related to gender identity and gender expression. As I was sitting next to a new mother holding her 5-month baby I overheard her speaking with her 8-year-old son: Son:       Mom, girls cry about <inaudible> and boys cry too, but not as much. Mom:    Anyone can cry; boys and girls. But as boys grow older it’s hardwired for men to not cry. I [...]

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