With the novel coronavirus, clients have shared with me their worries and fears about their own health, the health of their children, as well as the health of their aging loved ones. Media sensationalism, conspiracy theories and perceived lack of transparency from leadership have only served to amplify these worries and sense of helplessness. For those who experience overwhelm and anxiety the idea of contagiousness can worsen their mental health or evoke a panic response. While some people may make light of stock piling toilet paper and non-perishables, these worries are indeed a very real emotional experience and when the “threat button” is activated, one’s need to self-protect is evoked in order to feel a sense of control in a situation that feels very much out of control.

As we’re learning more about the virus and scientists are working overtime to develop a vaccine, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released risk-informed guidelines to help slow down the rate of transmission include:

• Social distancing
• Not being in a crowded space
• Washing your hands thoroughly and constantly
• Not touching your face
• Frequently clean surfaces and objects daily
• Staying home if you’re feeling unwell or have been exposed to someone who is sick
• Separate sick household members including, if possible, using a separate bathroom

What does this all mean when it comes to sex?

As my priority is to hold emotional space and provide a safe environment for clients to share all their feelings and thoughts, this also includes exploring the implications when it comes to sex and sexual functioning, hooking up, and one-night stands.

For those who don’t have the virus, it doesn’t mean that COVID-19 doesn’t affect them. The accumulative stress and worry can be enough to affect sexual functioning. For example, for those who have difficulty experiencing and sustaining an erection, it may be even more difficult. For those who are exhausted and burnt out, the additional stress can add to the sluggishness of one’s libido (or ability to become horny). The unspoken surveillance of whether or not your partner was exposed can be enough to request sleeping in separate rooms.

How about having sex (vaginal/front hole, anal intercourse) or having oral sex when we’re not coughing or sneezing on each other?

The short answer is that scientists are not entirely sure about the contagiousness when it comes to sexual activity. What we do know is that COVID-19 is a respiratory virus and thus spread through respiratory droplets. It’s worth noting that droplets can be particles invisible to the naked eye. Droplets that contain the virus can be transmitted when the infected person coughs or sneezes in your direction without covering up. It can also be transmitted if the infected person has virus on their hand who then touches surfaces that you would then touch. If you don’t wash your hand that has touched the surface and then touch your face, you can become infected. Researchers however are still at the infancy of understanding how the long the virus lasts outside the body and if there are other modes of transmission. There’s also conflicting information regarding the contagiousness if someone has the virus but not show any symptoms.

By this information, it’s quite possible that if you kiss or engage in deep kissing/making out, it can leave you infected. The CDC suggests that the virus can be spread from close contact or within 6 feet of an infected person.

Scientists also don’t know if the virus is in vaginal fluids, ejaculation or anal secretions. There’s simply no data that exists at this time.

Dr. Reece’s Recommendation

If you decide to engage in sexytime with a partner, be risk-aware, informed and make every attempt to reduce potential harm. To be risk informed in sex means to be aware of the risks when engaging in sexual and intimate activity. If you decide to not engage in sexual intercourse, oral sex, kissing or body contact, there are still plenty of things you can do that can be flirty and hot. Here are some examples:

• Sexy dancing or doing a strip tease for your partner(s)
• Sending steamy text messages*
• Sending photos*
• Taking a video of yourself and sharing it with your partner*
• Writing erotic stories and then reading them out loud
• Masturbation at eye distance of a lover or masturbating together (don’t forget the cautionary 6 feet and do ejaculate in a tissue and not towards your partner)
• Sharing how much you look forward to touching and/or having sex can help build excitement and anticipation
• Incorporating an internet connected/wireless sex toy where your partner can control the intensity of the toy
• Role playing as a dominant and ordering your submissive to do extra services like cleaning, cooking and other household “servicing”

* Be sure to discuss privacy and consent if you choose to share messages, photos or videos

This isn’t an exhaustive list with the possibilities being the ones that immediately come to mind.

As we wait for additional information about the virus especially its contagiousness and other modes of transmission sex, eroticism and intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to stop. For the time being, while we may need to shift and adapt to protect our own as well as our partner’s health, this can be an opportunity to ramp up your communication skills and be more exploratory, creative and playful.